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Bonjour!
This will hopefully be the worst crappy column I’ve written so far. And I hope a good laugh is had with it.
What’s one of the most disgusting accidents that could happen to you in your yard? For a long time every morning like clockwork I can count on it that some dog would come from the woods to my yard and take a dump. Dogs have no shame! There is no other way of explaining this to get my point of disgust across. It was aggravating and annoying.
I did not have the time to just sit around outside and be on the lookout for this doggie. One thing I would do for sure was to watch where I stepped because that is a terrible thing to scrape from your shoes – or between your toes. And now and then I do walk around barefoot so you can guess the rest.
I don’t cut or keep my grass up all the time so that dog can hide and go for it anywhere it wants to and be out of sight. Had not figured yet how I was going to catch that bugger in the act. We don’t have many wondering mutts out here in these woods. I happen to know I am not the first to encounter this problem and I will not be the last one. C’est pas fun!
An idea hit me one day. Gee, I don’t often get these productive ideas anymore, but after a while of cautiously tippy-toeing around, something had to give.
I needed to put a stop to that dog that was messing with my mind. I didn’t want it to die, just stop its shenanigans and move on to another unsuspecting sucker’s yard. So I decided to bait him by putting leftovers in an old pot which I keep in the backyard. Why had I not thought of that before? No dog will resist sticking its nose in a pot of goodies in a back yard. I arranged the several chicken bones with a little left over rice and fricassee real good to make it appear there was more in there then what was showing.
Next came the seasoning of which I did not spare because this was the gist of the idea. I sprinkled the scrumptious looking grub real good with a little extra red and black pepper combined, and by the size of his masterpiece, I figured it to be a big dog so I added an extra spoonful of the peppers. Then I thought to myself if I want this to work in my favor and as the saying goes leave no stone unturned, I sprinkled a little more pepper. I figured the dog would not be harmed because it would not actually eat that seasoning.
Next morning I went out to check the pot, those leftovers were still in the pot untouched. And there was no sign of anything foreign laying in the grass either. I thought, man, that was a quick lesson!
Of course I kept track of my plan for a few more days. That food stayed in that pot those few days and then a few more days. Then one day it rained and everything floated to the top. To make sure the dog knew I meant business I did not touch the pot and left it alone to remind it. But by then the dog must have felt some rejection because it’s been a couple of months now and my yard is mine again. Should this rematch ever arise again, well guess what!
This one is a dogged-gone column.

–Cousine Hélène
337-228-1714
helenboudreaux@juno.com